Erotic Play 101

Let's chat about Erotic Play.

Hmm, sounds interesting, right?

It does, indeed!

 Definition of Erotic:

Relating to or tending to arouse sexual desire or excitement.

The term may also refer to a state of sexual arousal or anticipation of such-an insistent sexual impulse, desire, or pattern of thoughts.

I find eroticism to be an absolute delight. It allows a person to enter into a space of playfulness, sensuality, and connection with oneself and others.

Erotic Play is allowing yourself to explore your sexual desires with enthusiasm. Think of it as an umbrella-- and Erotic Play is on the top of the umbrella; underneath is anything and everything you would like to try, such as your fantasies, fetishes, and even kink-related activities. There is no limit to your imagination and what pleases you erotically.

In the beginning, when I was exploring sexually, specific sexual explorations were a total turn-off for me. But, as I grew and became more open-minded and educated on different desires, they intrigued me. I wanted to try them safely with people I could trust. Not every desire is sexually motivated, but it is still considered Erotic Play.

You are building trust with your partner by having these intimate communications. Everyone has different needs and desires sexually.

The key is to offer a safe space where you can talk openly about them.

Even if in your mind you're saying, Ewww, please keep it in your head.

Get curious as to why your partner wants to try this desire.

Ask questions.

You may change your mind when there is an understanding of their why. Maybe not, but give it a chance. You can always revisit it later, possibly after trying desires you both have in common. Again, I would suggest having discussions outside of the bedroom first, so no one feels pressured into trying a desire they have concerns over. They will need all their questions answered beforehand, and education is necessary. 

First, consent, consent, consent.

Definition: Consent: permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.

Everyone involved must give verbal consent, even if you're in a relationship. A resounding yes is needed to continue.

Not a maybe, not a nod of the head, not an ok, not a shrug. If it's short of a verbal yes, don't do it. I can't emphasize this enough, people.

You're building trust with your partner by having these intimate communications.

Everyone has different needs and desires sexually. The key is to offer a safe space where you can talk openly about them. Even if in your mind you're saying, Ewww, please keep it in your head. Get curious as to why your partner wants to try this desire. Ask questions. You may change your mind when there is an understanding of their" why." Maybe not, but give it a chance. You can always revisit it later, possibly after trying desires you both have in common.

Next, education is the key, and safety is paramount.

If you're in a relationship or unpartnered and want to try something new, be open with yourself and your partner and discuss the topic in detail before trying. What are the dangers, if any, of trying this new desire? Can anyone get hurt in the process? Do we need to read a book or find a source who can help with this?

People went wild with what they saw when the movie 50 Shades of Grey came out. But unfortunately, it wasn't all accurate when the kink-related part was portrayed in the film. For example, I read that hardware stores sold rope at a higher rate than usual after the film's debut, which is excellent but do you know how to use rope without hurting your partner? There are many rules and areas of concern when rope play is involved. An example is nerve damage if tied too tight or long. Also, what's your partner's health history? Finally, what would you do if your partner started to freak out while in rope or faint? There is a lot to think about when trying new desires.

That's why a safe word is needed. When trying a new desire, it is advisable to have a word; when someone says it, the Play needs to be assessed immediately. Make sure it's not a common word you would use. I would not use the words yes or no; they are misleading and confusing. Do they mean it's a yes to continue or is the no an absolute no? It can get unclear very quickly and ruin the excitement you had to try this desire in the first place when your partner is hurt or pissed off.

I would recommend these common safe words.

Red means stop the Play immediately. The scene is over. Period. No questions asked. Check in with your partner, discuss their concerns, and ensure all is well.

Yellow means it is getting intense for the person, and maybe a check-in is needed. If the person is good, Play can continue. Be very mindful at this point.

Green means your person is doing well and enjoying the Play.

You know where everyone's head is at by being transparent in your communication. The goal is to explore your desires in the safest way possible.

Follow these basic rules for Erotic Play and watch your desires explode to have the sex life of your dreams.

If all of this sounds confusing or overwhelming, please book my "Getting to Know me Call," and I will help you sort it out.

Talk to me. Tell me your story.

Ann