How to Put the Fore in Foreplay

Who needs and wants Foreplay, and who doesn't?

It will depend on YOU!

Ann, what do you mean?

First, let's look at its definition:

According to the Webster-Merriam Dictionary, Foreplay is … "Erotic stimulation preceding sexual intercourse."

So, it's everything you do before intercourse. Well, it can be confusing. It can be everything we do before intercourse, or it can be considered sex itself and not a separate act. YOU decide and discuss with your partner if you need it and how much of it to get your motor running, or you get straight to business. It doesn't need to be either/or, it can be both. We can hold two conflicting thoughts, and both can be true. So, please pay attention to which situation you need it and when you don't. You can decide if it starts when you admire his ass in those tight genes or when he leans in and whisper sweet naughty things in your ear, or when you grab his cock through his pants to indicate now. Maybe you masturbated earlier in the day and didn't orgasm and saved it for later. YOU decide.

Here is what Foreplay is:                                                              

• Exploration
• Non-coital play
• Playing
• Anticipation
• Sexual suspense
• Sex appetizers
• Pre-sex attention
• Sensual
• Erotic
• Safer Sex

Here is what it isn't:

• Intercourse
• Mandatory
• Quick or easy
• Gender-specific
• Orgasm oriented
• Competitive
• Love
• Boring

Foreplay can be the appetizer before the main meal; it can be the main event all by itself, especially if you engage all the senses; it can be an emotional, mental, and physical connection to deepen your bond; it can be a conversation, a look, a touch, a trinket or a kiss. It can be however you define it for YOU!

Most women need some Foreplay to help the body get ready for sex. When the mind is stimulated by sexual play and erotic innuendos, the body will soon follow and become lubricated and excited for intercourse.

When you want your partner to engage in sex next time, ask them, "Do you want to play?" instead. It takes away from the formality of sex and the pressure to perform and expands the mind to playfulness and eroticism.

Expand your repertoire:

1. Make a wishlist of three things you would like to try and exchange with your partner.
2. Have a conversation with your partner regarding your likes and dislikes, and preferences.
3. For example: How do you and your partner like your loving?
4. Do you like wild? Romantic? Sensual? Dominate/submissive? Playful? Experimental? All of the above?
5. Learn to ask for it.
6. What kind of massage would you like from your partner? (Slow, hard, soft?) Be specific and go into details to receive the perfect massage.

Favorite foreplay activities:

Make a list of at least ten sexual foreplay activities, then prioritize them in order of your level of arousal.

For example: kissing, receiving oral sex, mutual masturbation, using sex toys, or role-playing. If you don't already know what turns you on, you won't be able to communicate your needs, wants, and desires to your partner.

How to Add Communication to Foreplay

The Build-Up: Tease your lover with soft touches and sexy glances as a form of Foreplay

Erotic Talk: Say sexy truth statements like, "You make me so hot!" or "I love it when you touch me there."

Body Art: Draw a picture with your finger on your lover's back or other body parts and have them guess what you drew. Make sure to reward them.

The Want, Will, and Won't List

Here are examples of these lists:

The Want, Will, and Won't lists are very helpful in determining where you and your partner are currently at with your desires. But please don't shame yourself or your partner because everyone has different turn-ons, which might be a turn-off for you. Instead, get curious and ask why this turns them on. Today it might be a no, but further in the future, it might become I'm ready to experiment. So keep those Want, Will, and Won't lists updated!

In closing, Foreplay is what you make of it. Anything goes, so play and have the adult play you've always wanted, and remember, have some fucking fun!